CAN'T FVCKING BELIEVE that it's only three-and-a-half months til we'll be in the UK. I'll officially be an immigrant! God, that's kinda terrifying. All this talk, all this planning, all these best intentions, and now here we are and it's fvcking about to happen.

Can't believe I haven't seen Torchwood yet. Can't believe (no, wait, CAN believe) J-Wo groped James on the telebox. Can't believe how hard I laughed at Michael McIntyre, probably CAN believe that Clarkson is cruising for gays in the Cotswolds with his iPhone ;)

Can't believe we're headed for the slow tubes...shaped Intarwebz for 9 days is going to SUCK! :(

Can't wait to get my new smartphone, set up Skype, then hang out in wi-fi hotspots and never pay for phone calls every again :D

Can't wait for tattoos later this month, can't wait to skate again next week, can't wait for ANoH redux in October.

SEE THE BOTHERSOME MAN. SERIOUSLY, I CANNOT JUMP UP AND DOWN ENOUGH ABOUT THIS FILM. SEE THE BOTHERSOME MAN. Or at least see Left Bank.

By which I mean: Don't waste your time on a film like Martyrs, that only wishes it were intelligent and tries to philosophise its way through the writer/director's Catholic guilt with a completely bland result.

All the allegories viewers and the filmmaker alike want this film to be making - about fundamentalism/zealotry, extremism, neo-conservativism, senseless violence, etc. - are six steps too far sideways from where the film actually takes you and leaves you, rendering them obtuse and ultimately useless.

This is just another straight white male writing misogynistic bollocks to sell prints. It is no different to Irreversible, which - yes - was also overwrought, sexist, homophobic, "shocking" crap.

( Spoilers cut. Come back and debate me once you've seen it. )

Martyrs is a failure of a film! Everyone stop jizzing all over it, it's really not as good as you want to think it is.

(Oh, except: BRILLIANT soundtrack provided by Seppuku Paradigm.)

If you want a spooky genre film with a life-after-death allegory that actually works and characters you care about, check out the Belgian treat Left Bank.

And if you want all the subtle afterlife musings you can handle, in a film that is truly torturous to its main character in a totally non-horror film way - and pretty torturous to watch as a viewer too, that goes from bleak to bleaker from start to end without once feeling heavy-handed, that doesn't rely on any particular [non-]theistic position to make its powerful statement, and that will have a profound effect on you and may even affect change in the way you live your life, then FOR GOD'S SAKE, SEE THE BOTHERSOME MAN!

I am very much looking forward to having my mid-life crisis, just so I can be as un-classily ridiculous as Jonathan Ross.

Have done a draft plot of my planned attendance for Rev Fest next month. Looks similarly chaotic to last year. Ten days, 25 sessions.

I'm particularly impressed with-slash-terrified by my proposed second Saturday, where my first screening goes in at 12:45pm and my last screening comes out at 12:45am! :) Two hour break for dinner/barfly-ing, of course.

Was going to vollie, but there's kinda too many films I want to see. Always the way with Rev.

I wish Sydney crew could all magically be here.

http://twitter.com/McCainBlogette/status/1925662950

Here Meghan McCain, self-identified conservative and daughter of last year's Republican presidential candidate John McCain, comments succinctly on the Prop H8 ruling and shows more enthusiasm than most of the filthy queers she's defending. The rest of us are just tired, so tired... But it goes on.

I have had this rant many times before, but I just thought I'd document it in writing so you all understand just how desperate the situation really is. IT IS CRITICALLY DESPERATE! OPERATION BLOW-HOLLYWOOD-THE-FVCK-OFF-THE-MAP NEEDS TO GOGOGO!

D:

Extremely not good.

I hold Universal Pictures up for examination, as an example.

Here are some films Universal has in pre-production, production, post, or awaiting release:

Robin Hood (nothing new there)
Fahrenheit 451 (has already been pretty successfully adapted to film by Truffaut)
Jurassic Park IV (whyyyy?)
The Mummy (7th film in the modern franchise)
Pokemon (big giant spin-off franchise machine)
Psycho V (*sob*)
The Last Remnant (adaptation of a computer game)
Mace Griffin (adaptation of a computer game)
Creature from the Black Lagoon (remake of a classic auteur film)
Cobalt 60 (adaptation of a comic)
Magnum P.I. (adaptation of a TV show)
The Jetsons (live-action adaptation of a cartoon)
Alice (adaptation of the American McGee computer game, which was adapted of course from a book)
Barbarella (remake of a cult classic film)
BioShock (adaptation of a computer game)
Dragon's Lair (adaptation of a computer game)
The Munsters (adaptation of a TV show)
The Birds (remake of a classic auteur film)
Red Sonja (adaptation of a comic)
The Strangers 2 (sequel to an unsuccessful recent film)
Spy Hunter (adaptation of an arcade game)
Neon Genesis Evangelion (live-action remake of an anime)
The Incredible Hulk 2 (sequel to a sequel to a comic adaptation)
Drop Dead Fred (remake of a cult film)
Videodrome (remake of a classic auteur film)
Little Fockers (sequel to a sequel)
In The Heights (adaptation of a Broadway musical)
The Wheel of Time (based on a book)
Everlost (based on a book)
Cirque du Freak (based on a series of books)
Girly Boys (remake of a recent Thai film)


You'll be pleased to know, if you've read this far, that Universal do have *two* films slated that are original screenplays...

I wrote this just over a week ago with a felt-tip pen on some scraps of paper while flying home from Sydney. I had shed a tonne of tears in the preceding 24 hours, for reasons ranging from 'why does this have to end?' to 'I hate you, you uncaring jerk', and I know I was doing my best to be positive (...and nonchalant) in the wake of a powerful experience. If I was to write about Sydney now, perhaps there would be more sadness evident, as I have had 10 days (and a couple of emails) to realise that the lacking physical presence of certain good friends remains noticeable and ultimately kinda painful. But it still stands that there are key things about the trip I want to remember, and so I retype and record them here.

--

( I could write about ANOH in a stream of quoted song lyrics, but I actually want to remember this awesome experience when I look back, so 'vague' is out. )

The city of Sydney? Over-sized, over-priced, overly confusing, mostly charmless and with far too many angry drivers.
My trip to ANOH 2009? Yeah, fvck it, alright... It was priceless.

--

I learnt a lot about the film industry just from sitting and listening, especially about things that interest me like festivals, buying/distribution, financing, etc. - the kinda of things I think I'd quite like to do with my life - and was able to return to work today to confidently tell my boss that yes, the resignation I had tentatively tendered for October does still stand, perhaps stronger now than ever.

Wooooooow, Rachel Stamp, reunified and played and now it's over. What I came to experience; all done.

The cross-section of people in the crowd just blew me away. Teenage glitterkids, 20-something indie normals, proper 'ard men from Yorkshire, first wave punks who never grew up... And of all the bands in the world that could bring this motley crew together, I must admit Rachel Stamp seems about the least likely. But so it was.

I think I only need to note that there is a grainy photo on someone's camera phone somewhere of Robin Guy kneeling in the door of a scungey Camden nightclub as he draws a lovely sketch and signs my skirt. Robin fucking Guy! The person who is at least two thirds of who I am! It's not often you get hugs and kisses from the people who kinda sculpted you.

People ask me who Rachel Stamp are a lot, or what they sound like. I'm never really sure how to explain. I can't pin them to a genre and I certainly can't begin to discuss all the little nuances of Stamp and what makes them so important to me. I think the best story is from Matt, when he related to me that he had been explaining Rachel Stamp to someone else and had taken the inlay photo of a CD and said 'See these three guys? Courtney is made up of these three.'

That's Rachel Stamp. Quite seriously as much a part of me as my best friends or my own flesh and blood.

Guyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!

I bought a film magazine yesterday that has an article on incest cinema, focusing on films where the incestuous relationship isn't explicitly condemned, and even goes so far as to suggest in context that possibly 'love is love'!

Fvcking hell I love you, UK/Europe.

The magazine, Electric Sheep fyi, is the best film mag in the world, I have to say. No arthouse genre crap, no indie by numbers, no national export cinemas, limited high-brow pretension and an apparent understanding that cultism can be discernment. Also, unashamed dislike of Status Geeks! Yay! Fvck you, Tarantino!

Okay, things are coming together now for Stampax 2009 oh-god-I'm-crazy Tour o' London. As well they ought...I've basically got one day left to get all my sh!t together!

No CouchSurfers came through, so I'm staying at Palmers Lodge. This is okay because Palmers Lodge is the happiest hostel on Earth :) Plus I walked almost everywhere from there last time I was over, so maybe this time I shall skate! Who needs the London Underground anyway?

I'm starting to plot my days out now.

I get in at rubbish o'clock on Monday morning, so I'll probably dump my bags and head to Shaftsbury Ave/Neil's Yard/Charing Cross Rd and get all that "oh finally I've come home again" sentimentality out of my system. Some book and DVD shopping. Why have all the Fopp stores closed down?! :'( - my heart breaks. Check in to hostel in the afternoon and sleep til tomorrow. Or I could skate in Earl's Court with London Rockin' Rollers that night.

Tuesday night has skating in Bermondsey with London Rollergirls, Thursday night is Chalk Farm with LRR, Saturday could be Brixton with LRG and Sunday could be Chalk Farm again with LRR. So that's the roller derby component taken care of :D

The only people I really need to catch up with are Gaz and DRP, and maybe Tom from Cronenberg's. Might try to hit an AFUK antihoot is something's on. No gig plans except for Rachel Stamp. I wonder if Patricide have a show...?

I suppose I will spend most of one day at the National Gallery, coz I always do. I'll need one or two full days at the Science Museum <3 and at least one day at the Imperial War Museum <3. (Last time I was there, unbelievably, I spent three afternoons at the War Museum [plus another at the Britain At War experience thing...] and I could've stayed longer.) I am going to seek out all the St Nazaire stuff this time.

Is everything closed on Good Friday, anyone know? How 'bout Easter Sunday? Bet I could go to some fvcked up Catholic services that weekend...

Maybe people are going to Brighton for Spellbound on Saturday? I always seem to end in Brighton on shonky overnighters...

Camden! I need to factor in Camden somehow, for shopping. And/or Portobello. And eating Raspberry & White Choc cookies from Sainsbury's :) I really want to go back to Greenwich too, but that might have to wait. And I've completely forgotten to think about the Hayward Gallery <3 and the Saatchi and the BFI <3 and the Barbican.

TELL ME your favourite non-touristy things to do in Londontown! I don't have the time to do my usual trick of spinning a dial and just walking aimlessly in that direction until the sun goes down :)

The Word of the Day for March 16 is:

tremulous \TREM-yuh-luss\ adjective
*1 : marked by trembling or tremors : quivering
2 : timorous, timid

As in "tremulous and tender", as in "grasp it, sense it", as in "the music of the night".

It knew, it knew ;D Today's WotD in my inbox from Merriam-Webster knows I'm going to Phantom again tonight. Knows my stomach actually hurts and my fingers are tingling because I'm so stupidly excited. Still, again.

Things I learnt from the arts as a child: lots of words. Including tremulous, garish, deftly, intoxication, and the phrase "savour each sensation" - abused as an excuse for how obnoxiously slowly I used to eat food. All those from one sugary Lloyd-Webber hit alone :) Also insolent, heh ;p Learnt that too.

Need to get home and download new Skins! Almost 1,400 comments in the reaction post of one comm alone!! This is unprecedented. Wtf has happened?! *twitches*

Need to get away from the stupids here in my whitewashed office before they eat me alive. You're damn right I think security cameras in mosques is a racist idea, you morons. Can't you open your eyes and notice we have Christian fundamentalists at about 10:1 here alongside these Islamic radicals you love to hate so much? Oh no, you probably wouldn't have noticed because they're not out to get you in your comfy heterosexuality. Check you priviledge at the door, slags. Why aren't you talking about putting cameras in synagogues too in case we get any radical Jews from Israel migrating, they've got a pretty decent history of terrorising in the name of religion too, you know? Oh, what's that, you don't know? Oh, that's right, because this isn't really about religion at all, is it? This is about you being RACIST. Well surprise, surprise.

Racefail 2009, meet QBE Insurance. You'll get along swimmingly.

Now stop this before you make me make my next post about problematic storytelling on behalf of People of Colour and lesbian characters in Skins season 3. You don't want that. *I* don't want that. Fandomwank politics makes the baby Jesus J. R. "Bob" Dobbs cry.

Someone* at my work may've just sent thru an email foward about how Australian's speak English and Australia is Christian and immigrants (read: Muslims) are skeevy and 'if you don't like it, leave'...you know how it goes.

And I may've just let fly and hit Reply To All and send back a politely worded fvck you, you're wrong, and I'm bloody well TRYING to exercise my "great Australian freedom: the freedom to leave" but even I - nice and white and English-speaking and Australian born and bred - am bound and gagged into second-class citizenship in this country you're asking me to be so proud of.

So screw you; you're wrong and you're a fool.

*shakes*

* Someone who is married to an Italian immigrant, no less, with Italian immigrant parents-in-law. Go figure.

Feeling "beautiful" is fairly foreign territory for me, but I know I am at my most beautiful when my hair is matted and tied up high, my face is shiny with sweat, my back wet with other people's spilled beer, and I'm dancing to myself on the edge of a slam pit at a punk show.

Tonight Perth had the true pleasure of an audience with Propagandhi. I cannot believe quite how good they are live. Among newer and even unreleased material, we got to hear:

AND WE THOUGHT NATION STATES WERE A BAD IDEA
What is class war?
Is this class war?
Yes, this is class war.


LESS TALK, MORE ROCK
I'd like to actively encourage the toughest man
To dance as hard as he can to this, my song
And bring your stupidest friends along.

We wrote this song 'cause it's fucking boring
To keep spelling out the words that you keep ignoring.
And your macho shit won't phase me now,
It just makes us laugh -
We got your cash - court jester take a bow.

'Cause did you know that when I was 9
I tried to fuck a friend of mine?
He was 8, then I turned 10.
14 years later it happened again, with another friend,
This time me on the receiving end.

All the fists in the world can't save you now.
If you dance to this, you drink to me
And my sexuality
With your hands down my pants by transitive property.


HAILLIE SELLASSE, UP YOUR ASS
An amalgamation of Jewish scripture and Christian thought -
What will that get you? Not a fuck of a lot.


ANTI-MANIFESTO
Dance and laugh and play.
Ignore the message we convey.
It seems we're only here to entertain.
A rebellion cut-to-fit -
I refuse to be the soundtrack to it.


APPARENTLY I'M A P.C. FASCIST BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT BOTH HUMAN AND NON-HUMAN ANIMALS
Some of my otherwise brilliant and productive friends -
Like scoundrels and their flags -
Take final refuge in character assasination.
Ignore the issue, deny the relation between consumption and brutality.

And you can roll your eyes and marginalize me,
Play on insecurities.
And you can feign ignorance,
but you're not stupid, you're just selfish.
And you're a slave to impulse.

And I kinda thought we all shared common threads
In that we gravitated here to challenge conventions we've been fed
By a culture that treats creatures like machines.
And if you buy that shit then how long 'til it's me
Who serves as your commodity?
Through: institutionalized violence and oppression of workers, women raped by sexism...
And do you still insist on feigning indignance to reason, collective self-interest?

I'll call you on your shit,
Please call me on mine.
Then we can grow together,
make this shit-hole planet better in time.

Consider someone else:
Stop consuming animals.


NAILING DESCARTES TO THE WALL ([LIQUID] MEAT IS STILL MURDER)
And I'm still as stupid as anyone, but I know my mistakes.
I have recognized one form of oppression,
Now I'll recognize the rest.
Life's too short to make others' shorter.


A PEOPLE'S HISTORY OF THE WORLD
I'll promise you - you promise me -
Not to sell each other out to murderers, to thieves,
Who've manufactured our delusion that you and me participate meaningfully
In the process of running our own lives.


There are few things so wonderful as being bounced back and forth across a room by burly, sweaty dudes who're wailing blatantly pro-queer or pro-veg*n lyrics with their fists or 'V' peace signs or middle fingers in the air.

So, the Chandelier broke! D: D: D:

BUT

Warlow definitely acted masturbating while Christine sang during 'Point of No Return'. I swear this is true. They both performed their nuts off to make up for our mechanical misfortune. And the 'Notes' reprise, 'Wishing...', the whole final lair scene, god. You won't see it that good again. Not anywhere.

Any remaining skepticism I had about this cast is gone; from the front row each one of them was perfect. They have settled and are better than 20 days ago.

Warlow is the best ever. EVER ever. Even his high C is better than Crawford's. And Ana Marina is deserving of her role, I was wrong before, she is incredible.

AUUUUUUURGH NNNNNNNNGGGGGHH PHANTOM!! (I can has again tomorrow, and the next day?)

-

Did I mention the ring? The kissing the ring bit at the end? I'm sure it's not normally so...intense...deranged. I will have to pay closer attention next time.

Because there will be a next time, I've decided. At least one more, maybe two more next times before it closes here :) Will be getting tix for March today. Yes, even though Phantom will always be playing somewhere in the world, it may never be playing with Anthony Warlow again. And he is just too important not to make the most of.

Can you imagine being told that due to a change in the wind, your property - previously thought fairly safe - is now in direct and absolute risk of a raging bushfire and that it's TOO LATE TO LEAVE NOW?! Don't get in yor car, they say, don't leave on foot, stay in your house with your hoses and your big woollen blankets, they say. Hope for the best.

Can you imagine? Even *begin* to imagine? Fvck.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/02/09/2486545.htm

Australia - "God's own country" - you are deeply, deeply fvcked up, you know that?


Ash Wednesday happened when I was a baby and we lived in the Dandenongs in Victoria. It went through our backyard (we had an acre that was mostly bush) and we evacuated; our house was saved. Of course I don't remember it, but I have seen newreel footage since and it's pretty fvcking harrowing. And all those people who died...families in cars with children, driving for their lives, burned alive on the road.

Twice as many people already have died this weekend than perished in Ash Wednesday, and many blazes are still out of control. Can science even predict when it will end?

I hope Rudd scraps his flawed economic stimulus package and that every last cent goes to Victorians and NSWelshman affected by these fires, and the Queenslanders being flooded. And if perchance I get my $950 after all, I expect it's all going back to the Red Cross and the Salvos in their appeals for these disasters.

I hope if you are expecting $950 too, that you consider giving it to someone who needs it more. Because there are now thousands more people who 'need it more' than there were even just three days ago.

'Scuse me while I get my nerd on about really obvious musicals.

FVCK Phantom was wonderful. I have seen this show thrice before, but it's been 10 or 11 years since... When I was 12 I knew every single word, sung or spoken, start to finish. (Almost still do.) I like musical theatre a lot, and - unoriginal as this one may be - it's my favourite.

I had premium seats for [what was originally meant to be] opening night in Perth tonight, which I bought four-and-a-half months ago in a "phan" presale :) I'm that kind of gal. I was jittery sitting at the bar beforehand, buzzing with excitement like I hardly remember at any other time. I put off going in til the last minute; I wanted to keep the anticipation.

( I just want to write some thoughts now, for my own sake. Some squee ensues. )

I am seeing it again in 20 days (FRONT ROW!), and I have presale access to the next release of dates, so will almost certainly see it a third/sixth time too. I swear it'll never get old, drum machine and all ;)

(Also, ALW has greenlit his sequel for production? Phantom goes to America? Please no. Please someone stop him.)

There's something in this, I swear...

Australia has no State religion, but the majority of the population claims to be Christian. Australia has constitutional legislation banning the recognition of same-sex unions.

The US has no State religion, but again the majority of the population claims to be Christian, and the US has constitutional legislation stating no one need recognise a same-sex union if they don't feel like it.

Iceland has a State church, of which the majority of the population is a member, and now a 66-year old married lesbian Prime Minister, the first openly gay government head in the modern world.

Norway has a State church, again of which the majority of the population is a member, fully gender-neutral marriage, adoption and IVF laws, and an ex-Finance Minister who was openly gay and got married.

Sweden has a State church and will be enacting fully gender-neutral marriage laws mid-year. Neutral adoption and IVF laws already exist.

I LOVE SCANDINAVIA!

I WILL HAPPILY SERVE MY 6 YEAR IN THE UK IN ORDER TO GET AN EU PASSPORT SO I CAN LIVE IN SCANDINAVIA!

I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO EVENTUALLY RENOUNCING MY AUSTRALIAN CITIZENSHIP IT AIN'T EVEN FUNNY.

Two hundred and forty-ish countries in the world, all of which presumably have some form of marriage Act.

Y'know how many countries Max and I can get married in? 1. One. ONE country that will grant us as Australian non-residents of that foreign country the right to marry (without DFAT/Stephen Smith's* stamp of approval - which we aren't entitled to "by reason of other circumstances") under a law that is exactly the same for all people everywhere. Not same-but-separate, just plain ol' same.

Cheers Canada.

Thing is, Canadian marriage doesn't much help us secure our eventual leave-to-remain in the UK. I'm pretty safe in the UK on an ancestry visa, but Max could get denied entry/turfed out if a government case worker doesn't believe in the validity of our relationship. A relationship they are actually told not to believe in unless we can prove it beyond reasonable doubt - guilty until proven innocent, y'see.

I am absolutely completely and utterly opposed to registering a civil partnership getting dog-licensed in the UK - because fvck that sh!t, you sanctimonious @ssholes - but I was *almost* convinced that for the good of staving off potential separation/deportation, I would swallow my pride and just do it.

Except...

1) If we both enter the UK subject to immigration control (e.g. on working holiday visas), we need to write to the Home Secretary pleading for a Certificate of Approval to get partnered up. Said certificate costs 295 pounds...wait for it...EACH! So that's almost $1800 down the drain before we can even apply for the partnership, which costs an additional 100 pounds.

2) If I enter on an ancestry visa (only 200 pounds) with the right to settle, Max must enter on a Proposed Civil Partner visa, which denies her the right to work and is only valid for 6 months. This costs 515 pounds or about $1500. We must get partnered and then, get this, Max must RETURN TO AUSTRALIA AND APPLY FOR A NEW ENTRY VISA, this time as an *actual* civil partner of a settling person, and pay ANOTHER 515 POUNDS! (Plus of course airfares and all that.)

3) If Max does not want to go through the madness and money-grabbing of point 2 above - and why the fvck would you? - then she may apply to enter as the unmarried/same-sex partner of a settling person (515 pounds) with supporting evidence in the form of a massive file of insane stuff, including some suggested creative writing about what makes your partner special to you. (No really, I'm deadly serious.)

4) Whichever way we did it, the spouse/partner visa she'd end up with may last for the length of my ancestry visa (5 years), or may need renewal every two years (i.e. twice) at a cost of 395 pounds per renewal. It's a grey area and tends to involve solicitors. Then after the 5 years, we can both apply for permanent residency - 750 pounds each.

5) After holding our permanent residency for a measly year, we can choose to naturalise and finally score that elusive EU passport. Naturalisation is 655 pounds each. And then we can go over the sea to Norway or Sweden and get PROPERLY married under a gender-neutral Act that's good enough for everyone - which was all I ever wanted to do - and the Australian government CAN'T LAY A HAND ON US.

Should only take about a decade from engagement to wedding.

So... Well, looks like I'm vidicated and don't have to get dog-licensed to Max in the UK just to make our eventual migration easier, coz it will actually end up costing more than doing it the hard way with evidence.

Whoopee... :\

Y'know, that hunger strike we dreamt of last night to demand a simple Certificate of No Impediment is suddenly looking like the easy route.

* HILARIOUSLY, Stephen Smith, Minister for Foreign Affairs, IS OUR FEDERAL MP! Office just a couple of blocks down the road from our house-of-homosexual-engagement. ...Anyone up for some visits?

I did it you guys. I'm a bit crazy and I did it.

Flying Malaysian Airlines Perth to London via KL, leaving just 18 hours after I get home from Sydney, staying in London a mere 7 nights, SEEING RACHEL STAMP.

Not getting to go to SB :( so any offers of company/entertainment welcome :D

Need to sort out couch surfing accommodation.

Oh god.